May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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