Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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