my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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