i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
