Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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