I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
