yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
