The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
