im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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