worst night to have a conscience
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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