just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
