I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
