I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
