Jerry, you need to find god
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
