The maid of honor just puked.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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