But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
