Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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