my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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