we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
