so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
