well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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