It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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