bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
