Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
