Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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