I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
