Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
