how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
