Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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