I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
