Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
