this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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