I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
