I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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