Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
