He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
