we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
