Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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