I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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