Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
