dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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