How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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