just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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