It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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