When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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