Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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