I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
