you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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