i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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