Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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