he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
