3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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