OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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