We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
