I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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