i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
