We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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