i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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