And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize