i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
