That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just pynch a tree in the face
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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