This is not my ceiling
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
