i may or may not be watching the land before time
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
